SIMILAR PEOPLE
on 377 reviews
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PatOffline
Man. 40 years old. Zodiac sign: Cancer.
Looking for: woman. In age: 37-47
I’ve been on-and-off online dating for quite a while now and have yet to find that perfect someone, so I’m overhauling my profile. No more sincere soliloquies about my beliefs or philosophies or self-aggrandizing claims about my awesomeness. I’ve read enough women’Above all else, all women claim to want a man both intelligent and funny. A distant second is the requirement that a man have his sh*t together (own a car, pay his bills, not live with his mother, that kind of thing). A large proportion of women are obsessed with grammar (there/their/they’re, your/you’re, no text message shorthand, etc), and a similar number require that no pictures of a man’s profile show him posing with his shirt off.So now I’ll just make sure I meet all those requirements and the women will come flocking, right? Or do y’all just look at the pictures too? ;)Okay, no topless pictures? Check.Any self-Look it up! Oh, and I'm dying to meet someone who can use the phrase "transitive verb" in a sentence without sounding like a douche-bag.sh*t together: I own a car and a truck. Zero credit card debt. No student loans. Credit score: 800. (ooh, this getting you hot yet?)Intelligent? Top of my class in grad school, IQ: 133, music performance scholarship for undergrad, SAT: ***. (“Oh yeah baby. Give me more! Statistics make me HOT” – a phrase never uttered)Funny? Well, here are some vignettes that I find witty or interesting and say a little about me. If you connect with some of this and find me as hilarious as do I, then let’s meet up sometime:Favorite bumper sticker: On a compact car: “Nice Hummer. Sorry about your penis.”I’ll know I’ve “made it” when I have a midget in my posse.I only buy used books."If you go back to someones place and they don't have books, DON'T F*CK THEM!" -The best quote from Obama is not,”Yes, we can”. It’s, ””I absolutely love to sing and dance. I have limited talents for both.I’m exceptionally creative, but in a “let’s knock out this wall” kind of way and not so much in a “let’s write poetry and get matching tattoos and both wear women’s jeans to be ironic” kind of way.I want to poke old people at funerals and whisper, “You’re next.”I want to be a teacher just for a week so I can write a multiple-choice test where all of the correct answers are “C”...except one.If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.Haikus are easyBut sometimes they don't make senseRefrigerator47% of all statistics are made up on the spot.“Hell is other people.” -SartreStop saying that you “rescued” a dog. You didn’t run into a burning building. You went down to the pound to get a free dog.I submitted 10 puns to a writing contest. Did any of them win? No pun in ten did.I’ve submitted both a job application and a personal reference as a series of limericks. (really!)"When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself." - Bob MarleyIf you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say, "Help, they've turned me into a parrot", then you're just wasting everybody's time.Most people are like Slinkys, not really good for anything, yet you cant help but smile when they tumble down the stairs.I've learned that I cannot make someone love me. All I can do is stalk her and hope she panics and gives in. :)I support abortion, but only through the 23rd trimester.Thoughts on religion:Jesus is like Elvis...I like some of the stuff they did, but their fans are f***ing annoying."Is god willing to prevent evil, but is not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able but not wiling? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence comes evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him god?" – EpicurusReligion is like a penis: It's okay to have one and be proud of it, but don't take it out in public and don't shove it down my throat.When I see a profile that says, "Looking for a God-fearing man", I always want to ask, "Which God?" But then I realize that this person probably lacks the ability to continue this conversation on an intellectual level.I'm a secular humanist. That means I like people and think we should try be to good and fair to everyone. (If this sounds like "Christian values" to you, then you haven't read the bible.) My core beliefs have nothing to do with hating or judging other people, so I am not welcome in any of the worlds major religions.To most Christians the bible is like a software license agreement: don't read it, just go to the end and click "I agree".Oops, sorry, just got all serious up in here!Things to check out that I find F**king hilarious:Bill BurrJohn Mulaney's bit "Best meal I ever had" This is a dumb question. I love taking walks on the beach leading back to a lavish cabana with rose petals spread on the bed and champagne and strawberries chilling next to the bubble bath. After a night of gentle and perfect love-making, I wake up to working out my massive muscles, but I rush home to make you breakfast in bed. Then I spend the rest of the day sitting quietly - only speaking when you need me to agree with you - while we watch Lifetime movies and I give you a foot massage. I have been surgically extracted from a soap opera.
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WashingtonOffline
Man. 37 years old. Zodiac sign: Pisces.
Looking for: woman. In age: 34-44
I'm witty, charming, educated, and I love to f*ck! I'm a great cook, own my home, have a great job, love my dog, keep a clean house, and am very domesticated. I love trying new things in life and in bed.don't misunderstand, I'm not just looking to get laid or for some random hook-up. I really am looking for a serious relationship. I'm just done reading about how everybody loves hiking, or kayaking, or dog parks, or wine, or any of the other things that appear on every freaking profile!Let's skip the BS and get to the stuff that really matters... somebody thats fun to be around, makes you laugh, has similar interests, and physical compatibility! i'm all about just having a good time. no drama here! I guarantee that you have never met an easier person to get along with. What does it say about me that every time i go to the grocery store i buy at least one thing ive never bought before... even if i have no idea what im going to use it for?? so, ive really gotten in to yoga in the last year or so. it's almost impossible to describe or explain all of the positive ways its impacted my life. if you haven't tried it, i highly recommend that you give it a shot. it's definitely not what i ever expected it to be and it is so much harder than people think! i've been living in the suburbs for over 9 years and i think i've had just about all that i can take. i am planning to sell my house and move in to town in the very near future...How bout what i am looking for in a woman : I know everybody says this, but I really do mean it... just looking for a relationship with low DRAMA!! Been there, done that, and its exhausting!Other than that : - please have a sense of humor.... I tend to be pretty damn sarcastic.- Football fan?? that would be awesome!!)- i don't necessarily have a type. but in general the girls i have dated in the past have been younger then me (by a couple years...;- Adventurous is good quality. Do you like to try new things?- I really like to travel and would love to meet someone that is into visiting new places.- I'm more of an "ass guy" than a "boob guy"- Maybe this is asking too much, but it would be great to meet a woman that is comfortable just about everywhere... museum, theater, dive-bar, getting dressed up for a big night out or just jeans and t-shirt, sitting on the deck at a bar or just chilling at the house sometimes.- For some reason i just love laying in bed on rainy days...- CONFIDENCE IS SEXY!!Question... go ahead and ask!! my life is an open book.KCCO i'm thinkin' a first date should be pretty simple. grab a beer or glass of wine, maybe a cup of coffee. making some big elaborate plan for a blind date puts a lot of pressure on a situation that should be light and fun. keep it short and sweet... if it's going great you can always decide to keep it going!
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EmmittOffline
Man. 37 years old. Zodiac sign: Gemini.
Looking for: woman. In age: 34-44
My friends say I'm witty, outgoing, classy, loyal and a great catch...You can meet people virtually anywhere no days but to find someone you can really click with seems to be a challenge. Maybe we will get lucky? Nevertheless, with that being said... 20 reasons you should message me! I'm single I give great back rubs I take a shower at least once a day, I have all my teeth and hair I know how to put the toilet seat down I have no problems killing spiders for you Ill make you smile Enjoy Cuddling I will listen to you Ill be proud of you I'm a great kisser I faithful and honest Your family will love me I'm a proud father of two extrodinary kids I know how to do laundry I have better things to do then sit and play video games like a teenager I don't pick my nose in public lol Try me, you might like me I still enjoy popping bubble wrap I know the Heimlich maneuver I don't do drugs If you're genuine and real then shoot me a message! something simple to see how we hit it off. Any things possible depending on common interests