SIMILAR PEOPLE
on 377 reviews
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PatOnline
Man. 40 years old. Zodiac sign: Cancer.
Looking for: woman. In age: 37-47
I’ve been on-and-off online dating for quite a while now and have yet to find that perfect someone, so I’m overhauling my profile. No more sincere soliloquies about my beliefs or philosophies or self-aggrandizing claims about my awesomeness. I’ve read enough women’Above all else, all women claim to want a man both intelligent and funny. A distant second is the requirement that a man have his sh*t together (own a car, pay his bills, not live with his mother, that kind of thing). A large proportion of women are obsessed with grammar (there/their/they’re, your/you’re, no text message shorthand, etc), and a similar number require that no pictures of a man’s profile show him posing with his shirt off.So now I’ll just make sure I meet all those requirements and the women will come flocking, right? Or do y’all just look at the pictures too? ;)Okay, no topless pictures? Check.Any self-Look it up! Oh, and I'm dying to meet someone who can use the phrase "transitive verb" in a sentence without sounding like a douche-bag.sh*t together: I own a car and a truck. Zero credit card debt. No student loans. Credit score: 800. (ooh, this getting you hot yet?)Intelligent? Top of my class in grad school, IQ: 133, music performance scholarship for undergrad, SAT: ***. (“Oh yeah baby. Give me more! Statistics make me HOT” – a phrase never uttered)Funny? Well, here are some vignettes that I find witty or interesting and say a little about me. If you connect with some of this and find me as hilarious as do I, then let’s meet up sometime:Favorite bumper sticker: On a compact car: “Nice Hummer. Sorry about your penis.”I’ll know I’ve “made it” when I have a midget in my posse.I only buy used books."If you go back to someones place and they don't have books, DON'T F*CK THEM!" -The best quote from Obama is not,”Yes, we can”. It’s, ””I absolutely love to sing and dance. I have limited talents for both.I’m exceptionally creative, but in a “let’s knock out this wall” kind of way and not so much in a “let’s write poetry and get matching tattoos and both wear women’s jeans to be ironic” kind of way.I want to poke old people at funerals and whisper, “You’re next.”I want to be a teacher just for a week so I can write a multiple-choice test where all of the correct answers are “C”...except one.If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.Haikus are easyBut sometimes they don't make senseRefrigerator47% of all statistics are made up on the spot.“Hell is other people.” -SartreStop saying that you “rescued” a dog. You didn’t run into a burning building. You went down to the pound to get a free dog.I submitted 10 puns to a writing contest. Did any of them win? No pun in ten did.I’ve submitted both a job application and a personal reference as a series of limericks. (really!)"When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself." - Bob MarleyIf you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say, "Help, they've turned me into a parrot", then you're just wasting everybody's time.Most people are like Slinkys, not really good for anything, yet you cant help but smile when they tumble down the stairs.I've learned that I cannot make someone love me. All I can do is stalk her and hope she panics and gives in. :)I support abortion, but only through the 23rd trimester.Thoughts on religion:Jesus is like Elvis...I like some of the stuff they did, but their fans are f***ing annoying."Is god willing to prevent evil, but is not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able but not wiling? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence comes evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him god?" – EpicurusReligion is like a penis: It's okay to have one and be proud of it, but don't take it out in public and don't shove it down my throat.When I see a profile that says, "Looking for a God-fearing man", I always want to ask, "Which God?" But then I realize that this person probably lacks the ability to continue this conversation on an intellectual level.I'm a secular humanist. That means I like people and think we should try be to good and fair to everyone. (If this sounds like "Christian values" to you, then you haven't read the bible.) My core beliefs have nothing to do with hating or judging other people, so I am not welcome in any of the worlds major religions.To most Christians the bible is like a software license agreement: don't read it, just go to the end and click "I agree".Oops, sorry, just got all serious up in here!Things to check out that I find F**king hilarious:Bill BurrJohn Mulaney's bit "Best meal I ever had" This is a dumb question. I love taking walks on the beach leading back to a lavish cabana with rose petals spread on the bed and champagne and strawberries chilling next to the bubble bath. After a night of gentle and perfect love-making, I wake up to working out my massive muscles, but I rush home to make you breakfast in bed. Then I spend the rest of the day sitting quietly - only speaking when you need me to agree with you - while we watch Lifetime movies and I give you a foot massage. I have been surgically extracted from a soap opera.
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TaskillOnline
Man. 37 years old. Zodiac sign: Scorpio.
Looking for: woman. In age: 34-44
Hey there. I can't guarantee you that we already have a lot in common - but if you read on and find out we do - you should message me! I want someone who will be upfront, honest, and I will do the same.It would be nice to have someone who would enjoy traveling and doing family type of activities, I have a 9 year old boy, so family stuff is a lot of fun. But also adult time is always needed too. There's nothing like a good dinner and then going for a walk with a great companion at sunset! But it's give and take too, and I won't complain when you take me along shopping at the mall or while I sit in the waiting room when you get your nails done. :) I understand that being together is the most important part of a relationship no matter what we are doing (besides communication, of course).I'd like to think I'm a simple-no baggage guy. I have a great career, but my biggest weakness is probablyhanging with our friends. I like to have my friends around, and enjoy making memories. I will always make you feel number one, but i love to entertain, and be social too. There is no need for anyone to be controlling in a relationship, just have the trust and it will be amazing.I'm now looking for a relationship, but I'm not looking to jump into anything without getting to know someone first, so I'm pretty sure it won't kill me to take things slow and make sure we are compatible. If you are divorced (me too), I'm totally OK with that. You had to leave him in order to find me right? :)Anyways I think I wrote enough for now. Anything else feel free to ask or save for the first date ;) Don't be bashful! If we get to know each other and we will, lets make it happen and not have a phone conversation only. I am a fun guy, love to have a good time, and make time for romance. Simple is good. Hope we can talk.
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Jarvisswint4AOffline
Man. 29 years old. Zodiac sign: Pisces.
Looking for: woman. In age: 20-28
Hi! My name is Jarvisswint4A. I am never married other african man without kids from Kathleen, Georgia, United States. Now I'm looking for new relationships. I want to meet a woman, love of my life.