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Elmer, 53
United States, Florida, Pembroke Pines

Offline, last seen Fri, 28 Nov 2025 18:37:41

About Me

Born and raised in the wild by a family of Red Squirrels, a sworn enemy of Gwen the Gwey. My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, (aka Derek Russo Sugli Alberi - Derek the Red Tree Dweller) commander of the Squirrel Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Squirellius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next, so watch your nuts Gwen! N/S only please...I've seen this on a few profiles but have no idea what it means. I can only guess that it means "Non-slappers" or "no scroungers", so that'll do for me, or could it be Non-smokers, that's quite preferable too.Time to freshen this up a bitDue to recent popular demand and also as a reward to my fans around the world, I have decided to update my profile. After all its only fair to spread the joy, plus it makes me feel good too.....and that's all that counts really ;)Please feel free to contact me, I will try to reply, however if I don't, it could mean that, I don't think that we're suited, or, Ive forgotten how to type, or Ive had too much medication and passed out. Similarly, if I do reply, that doesn't mean that I think we're a good match. I just might be feeling chatty, obnoxious, witty, drunk or all eight. It's not like I haven't given you enough material to work with, so please say something more interesting than "Hi, how are you?"By day i work as a lab technician and due to a recent industrial accident have been blessed with the super power of flexibility and springiness, which I abuse to its full extent as a cat burglar and am now known by Interpol as Colin.This new found attribute has enabled me to start a diamond smuggling operation to finance my addiction to wine gums (which I am slowly conquering). I am considering selling my yacht and going into the shoe, flower and chocolate business. I’m an ex F1 driver and in my spare time I model hessian underwear.I can also blow up balloons and look good in big floppy shoes, red nose and curly wig....oh and I forgot to mention I’m also unbeaten at pooh sticks.Update (they seem to be a la mode so why not!)Unless you have gold and diamonds dripping from your ears and fingers or juicy gems sat on your chest i may not reply. (see profession)I'm ultimately looking for someone that can multitask, that way i can sit around all day and do sod all.Please show this on your profile if you know someone who has been eaten by a shark!~~~/~~~o/~~~Now wheres that nurse with the medication trolley........ Update 14.73 It would appear that its not just men that don't bother to read profiles, I'm still getting "hi there" and "hi how are you" messages.....so pique my interest, say more than hi, catch my eye and you may just get a reply ....oh i enjoyed that.Update 21.6.938.06.a Alas time and medication have now caught up with me and I no longer have dark flowing locks of hair, in fact its decidedly grey! As was once said by a famous Mexican "joo wanna stroaka ma goat?"Pooh Sticks of course

PERSONAL INFORMATION

  • Looking for

    woman

  • Relationship

    Divorced

  • Have kids

    Yes, but they don't live with me

  • Wants kids

    Yes

  • Ethnicity

    Caucasian

  • Faith

    Atheist

  • Body type

    Average

  • Height

    6'1"

  • Eye color

    Green

  • Smoke

    No

  • Drink

    No

INTERESTS

Dance
Wink Icon color PERSONAL INFORMATION Fave
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SIMILAR PEOPLE

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stars 4.1 out of 5 based Rated 4.1 / 5 Based  on  377 reviews
  • Larry from Pembroke Pines | Man | 58 years old | Aquarius
    Larry

    Offline

    Man. 58 years old. Zodiac sign: Aquarius.

    Looking for: woman. In age: 48-68

    I am a single hard working man looking for a best friend for now that could lead to something else. No druggies please, a social drinker is okay. Someone that I can share things with and be able to talk to her about anything. Outside appearances are not important it's what inside that counts. Honesty is very important. I would rather be told the truth ,nomatter how much it hurts, than to be lied to. I would also like the lady tobe close by.As for the not looking for You can start out as friends hanging out going places , talking on e mail and the phone,I just don't want to be second or third man in a woman's life.I like most kinds of music,I am honest and do not lie or cheat.My dream is to be a writer. Don't let the picture fool you . I do not take a good picture GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU Warning; *** individuals using this site or any of it's associated sites for studies,projects,advertising sales or any other reason you DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures ,in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do ,it would be a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. It is recommended that other members post a similiar noticeI would like to take the lady to a candlelight dinner ,or cook it myself .Then either go to a movie or a night stroll on a beach or lakefront. It must be a moonlit night .Maybe even go to a theme park like universal studios. To all you ladies that view me, beware of a guy named Orlandomann2u I just found out that he is a stalker. be very careful

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  • Jay from Pembroke Pines | Man | 40 years old | Pisces
    Jay

    Offline

    Man. 40 years old. Zodiac sign: Pisces.

    Looking for: woman. In age: 21-43

    Hi! My name is Jay. I am never married catholic caucasian man without kids from Pembroke Pines, Florida, United States. Now I'm looking for new relationships. I want to meet a woman, love of my life.

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  • Jamison from Pembroke Pines | Man | 44 years old | Taurus
    Jamison

    Offline

    Man. 44 years old. Zodiac sign: Taurus.

    Looking for: woman. In age: 34-54

    I grew up in Phoenix and am a relative newcomer to Los Angeles. While I love the mountains, especially to go snowboarding, there's just something awesome about riding my bike down to the beach. In fact, I make an effort to use my bike as much as possible. There's so much to be discovered when you can take the time.My interests are pretty varied. I practice yoga regularly and feel guilty about my tennis racket mocking me in the corner. I also enjoy going to art museums, movies, and seeing concerts, especially when they are outside. I read a lot: online, books, magazines and newspapers (I know the last three may be old-fashioned but I don't like staring at a screen all the time).I try to live a good work/life balance. While I'm a pragmatist, I'm also believe in taking risks: professionally and personally.I'm looking for someone with zest for life, love, adventure and the road ahead!Depends on what my date's interests are. I prefer to keep things casual.

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