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Elmer, 53
United States, Florida, Pembroke Pines

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About Me

Born and raised in the wild by a family of Red Squirrels, a sworn enemy of Gwen the Gwey. My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, (aka Derek Russo Sugli Alberi - Derek the Red Tree Dweller) commander of the Squirrel Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Squirellius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next, so watch your nuts Gwen! N/S only please...I've seen this on a few profiles but have no idea what it means. I can only guess that it means "Non-slappers" or "no scroungers", so that'll do for me, or could it be Non-smokers, that's quite preferable too.Time to freshen this up a bitDue to recent popular demand and also as a reward to my fans around the world, I have decided to update my profile. After all its only fair to spread the joy, plus it makes me feel good too.....and that's all that counts really ;)Please feel free to contact me, I will try to reply, however if I don't, it could mean that, I don't think that we're suited, or, Ive forgotten how to type, or Ive had too much medication and passed out. Similarly, if I do reply, that doesn't mean that I think we're a good match. I just might be feeling chatty, obnoxious, witty, drunk or all eight. It's not like I haven't given you enough material to work with, so please say something more interesting than "Hi, how are you?"By day i work as a lab technician and due to a recent industrial accident have been blessed with the super power of flexibility and springiness, which I abuse to its full extent as a cat burglar and am now known by Interpol as Colin.This new found attribute has enabled me to start a diamond smuggling operation to finance my addiction to wine gums (which I am slowly conquering). I am considering selling my yacht and going into the shoe, flower and chocolate business. I’m an ex F1 driver and in my spare time I model hessian underwear.I can also blow up balloons and look good in big floppy shoes, red nose and curly wig....oh and I forgot to mention I’m also unbeaten at pooh sticks.Update (they seem to be a la mode so why not!)Unless you have gold and diamonds dripping from your ears and fingers or juicy gems sat on your chest i may not reply. (see profession)I'm ultimately looking for someone that can multitask, that way i can sit around all day and do sod all.Please show this on your profile if you know someone who has been eaten by a shark!~~~/~~~o/~~~Now wheres that nurse with the medication trolley........ Update 14.73 It would appear that its not just men that don't bother to read profiles, I'm still getting "hi there" and "hi how are you" messages.....so pique my interest, say more than hi, catch my eye and you may just get a reply ....oh i enjoyed that.Update 21.6.938.06.a Alas time and medication have now caught up with me and I no longer have dark flowing locks of hair, in fact its decidedly grey! As was once said by a famous Mexican "joo wanna stroaka ma goat?"Pooh Sticks of course

PERSONAL INFORMATION

  • Looking for

    woman

  • Relationship

    Divorced

  • Have kids

    Yes, but they don't live with me

  • Wants kids

    Yes

  • Ethnicity

    Caucasian

  • Faith

    Atheist

  • Body type

    Average

  • Height

    6'1"

  • Eye color

    Green

  • Smoke

    No

  • Drink

    No

INTERESTS

Dance
Wink Icon color PERSONAL INFORMATION Fave
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SIMILAR PEOPLE

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stars 4.1 out of 5 based Rated 4.1 / 5 Based  on  377 reviews
  • James from Pembroke Pines | Man | 61 years old | Virgo
    James

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    Man. 61 years old. Zodiac sign: Virgo.

    Looking for: woman. In age: 51-71

    I caught myself agonizing or laboring over ways to describe who I am and my philosophies on relationships and life. But frankly speaking, while I have no problem articulating my thoughts; I would prefer to do it face-to-face. However, I will offer that I believe the basis for a healthy loving relationship depends largely on two things, great chemistry and excellent timing. I am also compelled to at least share what I believe are my three most redeeming qualities, love of family, love of life and uncompromising integrity. I am sincere, confident, compassionate, affectionate, adventurous and love to laugh. I am patiently looking for that very special “know it when you feel it" connection that develops into a solid long-term romance…a custom fit. A bond that grows slowly but ultimately so strong over time that we can practically finish each other's sentences; or with one look across a busy room we can know what each other is thinking. I've had the good fortune to have experienced many amazing things in my life thus far, but I’ve only just begun…I’d like to share the experiences along the way with someone who completely steals my heart. If you're getting the impression that I'm a hopeless romantic...you've probably read this the right way.I'm up-to-speed on most current events and world affairs. At the risk of sounding a little pretentious, I know the difference between their, there and they're. I’m comfortable in the kitchen, I have a job and I usually smell good. I don’t need anger management classes, I take no meds, I have no “priorsâ€

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  • Rodrick from Pembroke Pines | Man | 62 years old | Taurus
    Rodrick

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    Man. 62 years old. Zodiac sign: Taurus.

    Looking for: woman. In age: 52-72

    God has blessed me so much and I'm very thankful for a happy and healthy life! I have two great daughters who are college educated and enjoying their careers. My oldest is a teacher, married and just had her first child recently. My granddaughter Ellie lives locally so I get to see her often! My youngest daughter is single and works in admissions for a local university. I have my own sales/marketing company that keeps me busy. I strive for a balanced lifestyle between work and pleasure. My hobbies include playing my trumpet in an orchestra, local band and special events. I volunteer often & believe in supporting this great community! I really enjoy listening and dancing to the local bands. I like to play most sports and bicycle often. In the fall/winter I lift weights & run at a local fitness center. I prefer to be with someone who sees physical fitness & staying in shape as a way of life. In a nutshell I would describe myself as positive, 'all around'; and take on the challenges of life. I am looking for that special woman who has similar interests. I'm not on here to date as many as I can but to develop a relationship with one woman from a strong friendship. I prefer that she has a good career, and that her children/grandchildren are living independently or close to it. Open communication & mutual respect are very important to me. There are so many great places to visit that I am looking for someone who likes to travel and visit new places. Most importantly, I have a good sense of humor and laugh often.......mostly at myself! Life is way too short not to enjoy everything there is to offer. If you have similar goals and interests; lets talk and meet.Good luck in your search!DavidLets meet for coffee/drinks and see if we have a connection.

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  • Josmar from Pembroke Pines | Man | 46 years old | Virgo
    Josmar

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    Man. 46 years old. Zodiac sign: Virgo.

    Looking for: woman. In age: 29-49

    Hi! My name is Josmar. I am never married other hispanic man without kids from Pembroke Pines, Florida, United States. Now I'm looking for new relationships. I want to meet a woman, love of my life.

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