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Elmer, 53
United States, Florida, Pembroke Pines

Offline, last seen Fri, 13 Mar 2026 17:45:53

About Me

Born and raised in the wild by a family of Red Squirrels, a sworn enemy of Gwen the Gwey. My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, (aka Derek Russo Sugli Alberi - Derek the Red Tree Dweller) commander of the Squirrel Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Squirellius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next, so watch your nuts Gwen! N/S only please...I've seen this on a few profiles but have no idea what it means. I can only guess that it means "Non-slappers" or "no scroungers", so that'll do for me, or could it be Non-smokers, that's quite preferable too.Time to freshen this up a bitDue to recent popular demand and also as a reward to my fans around the world, I have decided to update my profile. After all its only fair to spread the joy, plus it makes me feel good too.....and that's all that counts really ;)Please feel free to contact me, I will try to reply, however if I don't, it could mean that, I don't think that we're suited, or, Ive forgotten how to type, or Ive had too much medication and passed out. Similarly, if I do reply, that doesn't mean that I think we're a good match. I just might be feeling chatty, obnoxious, witty, drunk or all eight. It's not like I haven't given you enough material to work with, so please say something more interesting than "Hi, how are you?"By day i work as a lab technician and due to a recent industrial accident have been blessed with the super power of flexibility and springiness, which I abuse to its full extent as a cat burglar and am now known by Interpol as Colin.This new found attribute has enabled me to start a diamond smuggling operation to finance my addiction to wine gums (which I am slowly conquering). I am considering selling my yacht and going into the shoe, flower and chocolate business. I’m an ex F1 driver and in my spare time I model hessian underwear.I can also blow up balloons and look good in big floppy shoes, red nose and curly wig....oh and I forgot to mention I’m also unbeaten at pooh sticks.Update (they seem to be a la mode so why not!)Unless you have gold and diamonds dripping from your ears and fingers or juicy gems sat on your chest i may not reply. (see profession)I'm ultimately looking for someone that can multitask, that way i can sit around all day and do sod all.Please show this on your profile if you know someone who has been eaten by a shark!~~~/~~~o/~~~Now wheres that nurse with the medication trolley........ Update 14.73 It would appear that its not just men that don't bother to read profiles, I'm still getting "hi there" and "hi how are you" messages.....so pique my interest, say more than hi, catch my eye and you may just get a reply ....oh i enjoyed that.Update 21.6.938.06.a Alas time and medication have now caught up with me and I no longer have dark flowing locks of hair, in fact its decidedly grey! As was once said by a famous Mexican "joo wanna stroaka ma goat?"Pooh Sticks of course

PERSONAL INFORMATION

  • Looking for

    woman

  • Relationship

    Divorced

  • Have kids

    Yes, but they don't live with me

  • Wants kids

    Yes

  • Ethnicity

    Caucasian

  • Faith

    Atheist

  • Body type

    Average

  • Height

    6'1"

  • Eye color

    Green

  • Smoke

    No

  • Drink

    No

INTERESTS

Dance
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SIMILAR PEOPLE

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stars 4.1 out of 5 based Rated 4.1 / 5 Based  on  377 reviews
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    Heath

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