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Randal, 37

Online

About Me

None of you is even real. You're all just egirls with your www's and your webcams and those handy ordering pages. Girl, you even got a basket on that thing. I know cause I filled it up! But did I get a single pic of you on your "Meet super horny girls just like me," httpenis trap? Did I get an im after I talked to you and allowed to remote desktop into my computer to upload those pictures? Finally? No! I got an empty wallet, 3 overdrawn visas, and a looping gif of what looks like an Al Queda snuff porn starring a an alien midget that I can't remove for the life of me.Did I see you? No! You were fake. Obviously a cleverly created a Googlebot or something. But with boobs.So all y'all women are just fake Googlebots waiting to E-stroy my manhood and starve my eyeballs of nudity (except for midget nudity, apparently). I also will love you and shower you with joy forever and forever, delivering you an ocean of your best organisms. But let's take it slow.*****************************Ladies, if you think all men are fake, pretend, dolls that are scheming to raid your vaginas before they vanish into the night like ninja, you might want to consider how that comes across to us perusing guys. It reads like this to me, 'I am going to blame anybody but myself for being single. It's the mens' fault and I have simply been taken advantage of and I trusted too soon. I see myself as powerless against this occurring.'So unattractive. Please, think of the perusers.*this message brought to you by the Plenty of Fish Against Fakerists. POFAF, not even once (tm) First is the "Stick Test" where I poke you with one to ensure you aren't a clever illusion and, therefore, hopefully real. Then follow that up with some nice conversation to determine and measure the timbre of your voice and that it isn't too manish. Fool me once shame on me, right?Then, after drinks with my parents, the checking of the identification can begin and we can wind up the night by finally fornicating in my backyard hammock. OMG. So rad.Don't forget, REALITY is the best ITY. Jesus said that, you know, and he was right.

PERSONAL INFORMATION

  • Looking for

    woman

  • Relationship

    Never married

  • Have kids

    No

  • Wants kids

    Yes

  • Ethnicity

    Caucasian

  • Faith

    Other

  • Body type

    Athletic

  • Height

    6'3"

  • Eye color

    Brown

  • Smoke

    Yes, regularly

  • Drink

    Yes, regularly

INTERESTS

SIMILAR PEOPLE

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stars 4.1 out of 5 based Rated 4.1 / 5 Based  on  377 reviews
  • Anakin

    Online

    Man. 39 years old. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius.

    Looking for: woman. In age: 36-46

    I am an active man who enjoys all kinds of outdoor activities, love camping cooking out,watching movies (love comedies) visiting parks, museums,walking around towns that I have never been to before. I really love to travel I enjoy the mountains the most but I can see myself in the Caribbean it seems to be growing on me as my favorite spot especially grand caymen ( love the place when I went there on a cruise wanting to go again) !!! in fact i love alot of sports. I have alot of hobbies especially american history! I love to trying to make people laugh i think there is enough negativity in this world who needs more!! I believe family and friends are important but people sometimes we need more! I do love watching movies cuddling up on the couch!! I am a big hearted man who puts other people first before myself but that's just me. I am looking for a woman who wants to share the same dreams as mine like I would do for her when I find that special girl I treat them like gold and that is no lie! I am very affectionate and the most loyal person you would ever meet I don't like cheaters and liars I had enough of them already once you have my heart I am yours!!!!! So if your ready to travel,sightsee, and ready to have fun lets go!! I am independent person owns my own home pick up truck and I am currently building a pro street Camaro show car!!! IF YOUR READY FOR FUN lets talk I am an honest loyal guy!!! I hate cheaters I'm tired of being hurt!! I am a shy guy at first but once I get to know you I become a life of the party type I enjoy laughing!! I'm looking for a lady who is true and loyal, who knows how to love and shows affection!! Im not worried about the travel distance between us lol!!I don't need the games anymore! I know I'm a big guy but I am currently going to gold's gym and trying to get into the shape I am suppose to be lol!! I also have tattoos! Honestly I just love having a good time no matter what it is, it can be something new that I've never done before I'm up for anything new .. I am open to anything I am new at this dating thing again but depending the weather and time lunch and/or dinner maybe a movie a slow walk to get to know each other. I will warn you I sometimes can act goofy and talk your ear off!! Just tell to be quiet and we can move on thanks

  • Tommi

    Online

    Man. 38 years old. Zodiac sign: Taurus.

    Looking for: woman. In age: 35-45

    Hi there-Thanks for checking out my profile...I hate this part though-trying to figure out what to say about myself! But here it goes... I'm a veterinarian and I moved down here in ***. I grew up in a small upstate town and I'm a country boy at heart...I'm definitely easy going and laidback. I really don't sweat the small stuff-I figure there's enough crap to worry about in this world, that you don't have to get all worked up over the trivial things. I'm generally a happy person and negative/downer type people annoy me. I have a good sense of humor and like to joke around. I'm a big sports and music fan...probably like most guys on here...unfortunately though, I'm a long suffering jets fan. I prefer alternative and rock music, but listen to pretty much anything...even country! For fun, I like going to concerts/live music, doing anything outside, karaoke, going to the gym (although I don't know if that would qualify as fun!) and going to the beach. Not into the club scene at all, but I do like going to a pub/sports bar and listening to live music. I also have 2 children...8 and 5. It's very important to me that if things work out with anyone I date, that when the time is right, they be okay with meeting them and accepting them into their life. Being a vet, I do have a few pets as you could imagine-I have 2 dogs, 3 cats and some fish. Not an animal hoarder, but I could probably open a small petting zoo-haha!Basically, I'm looking for a partner in crime, someone happy and fun...someone I can be myself with ...

  • Rhys

    Online

    Man. 39 years old. Zodiac sign: Scorpio.

    Looking for: woman. In age: 36-46

    I'm a romantic at heart. I believe in traditional karma, truth and balance in life. I enjoy the typical northwest activities, snowboarding, skiing, camping, fishing and exploring, I like the cold climate particularly the snow and the rain doesn't bother me, in fact I like it sometimes. When I'm not out, I'm usually playing video games or watching movies. I listen to rock, hip- Web developer and designer by trade with a background in film, video and multimedia production. Yes, I'm a music/media geek. I appreciate modern and urban art sometimes like visiting the local art gallery, museum or theater. I find nothing wrong with a little self indulgence of being lazy and enjoy doing absolutely nothing from time to time. I consider myself laid back, easy to hang with. I'm modest, sometimes shy. A man with passion for my beliefs, honor, integrity, and dedicated and loving father. A person with an open mind and a desire for knowledge and understanding. I'm also kind and compassionate, but don't mistake kindness for weakness. I revel in the simple things in life. Share a good laugh around a fire pit, cook up a killer barbecued meal or even take the train *** a plane. I find being selfless brings me happiness. I always welcome an intelligent or even impulsive conversation. Anything from philosophy, religion, politics to Star Trek, HTML 5, or the newest Xbox game. I love to savor and appreciate good food. I'm turned off by shallowness, pretentious energy and self serving attitudes.I accept you for who you are, I'm not trying to change anybody. I'll respect your space, treat you with respect and dignity. Pay attention to your wants, needs and desires. I would like to meet a positive, mature, and sensible woman. A woman that communicates candid and up front and can engage in meaningful conversation. Someone who is emotionally and physically secure with herself. I preferred a curvy, full-figured woman, somebody that's sensual and affectionate. Innocently flirt, be playful and not afraid to be ridiculously silly sometimes. Sincerity, honesty, trust and a damn good sense of humor are qualities I desire in a woman. Physical appearance is insignificant, substance and intellect are far more important. Let's cover the basics but I would rather discover who you are and get to know you in time. I want to know somebody for who they truly are and perhaps somebody to hang out with, laugh, eat and just enjoy life. Small intimate setting, quite enough for us to chat. I'm not into the dance or wild bar scene. A lounge or coffee shop in the evening. Maybe a wine/art bar. No expectations and does not have to be a long date, short and simple. If you got a better idea... great, let me know!

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