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May, 37
United States, Michigan, Portland

Offline, last seen Fri, 10 Jul 2026 18:35:34

About Me

I'm an extreme hopscotch athlete. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. Four years ago I became a Colonel. I woo my man with my sensuous and goddess-like trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook thirty-minute brownies in twenty minutes. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I am a self taught balloon twisting artist.--heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. Children trust me.Please don't message me with one simple 'hi' or 'hey' or 'what's up'. I've taken the time to write a lot of things here- I deserve to know that you read through it. I will not respond to the small/short messages. ;) And perhaps to save you a little bit of time... I am not interested in dating black men.If you read all of that and are still smiling then you must know that I'm a smart ass and just trying to figure out what to say to catch your attention. I am seeking a long term relationship with someone who can make me smile, someone who is optimistic and is ready to move forward in a relationship. I have a son and I have cats, if you are opposed to either then you should move along. I come from a pretty large family and I like planning events to socialize with former classmates. If you aren't social then we probably wouldn't get along well. I don't go out with friends a lot, but when I do, I'd like to bring a date. The kind of guys I am generally attracted to are probably described as big or heavy, it's just who I am attracted to. If you think we would get along then send me a message and tell me which of the above things you believe are true about me. Let's see... a first date. I assume after the awkward introductions and the forced smiles eventually we'd calm down enough to have a bite to eat. Perhaps some light conversation talking about our families and what an interesting/horrible week it was at work. If it's nice enough outside maybe go to the park and walk around, grab an ice cream and eat it on a blanket while watching the ducks in the pond. Any kind of casual date would be great. I like comedy clubs, karaoke, having some drinks. I'm really up for just about anything.

PERSONAL INFORMATION

  • Looking for

    man

  • Relationship

    Divorced

  • Have kids

    No

  • Wants kids

    Someday

  • Ethnicity

    Caucasian

  • Faith

    Spiritual but not religious

  • Body type

    Curvy

  • Height

    5'7"

  • Eye color

    Brown

  • Smoke

    No

  • Drink

    Yes, socially

INTERESTS

Indonesian Portuguese Spanish Thai Comedy Horror Romance Shooting Sports
Wink Icon color PERSONAL INFORMATION Fave
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