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Catigern, 45
United States, Kentucky, Harrodsburg

Online

About Me

I want to live in a world where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned!I like to enjoy life as much as I can when I can and I try to fit in as much as possible around sleep.I have a varied circle of friends but most now have married or moved away (well that's what they told me)I enjoy a good laugh and like to exercise my wit when appropriate and would like to meet my equal.My many various interests also include history, reading, ironing, restoring classic cars and motorcycles, ghost hunting, picking mushrooms, Fishing, camping, open fires, solving conspiracy theories, an interest in writing, common law, archaeology, cooking, and yes I can do DIY.I own two cats and two chickens (but I no longer keep them together)I'm currently in possession of a valid passport, a clean driving and TV licence (although I don't watch much TV)I like most music and play guitar like I'm strangling a cat.I'm not into mind games.Hopefully by now you can tell that I'm too busy to be a stalker or a pervert so if you can be bothered to leave a message I can promise you that there's a really good chance that you WILL NOT end up dead in a ditch...CRB check on request.Thank you very much for getting this far but that was too much about me, now please tell me something about you? like:how was your day? what sort of problems have you got? does your car, bike or chainsaw start and run ok? and what about that pile of ironing that's been sitting there in the corner for days...? should I go and put the kettle on? Please do not contact me if you have issues with your ex.50 Shades of Chav '.. It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called 'The Dogs of War', where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time. It was a mixture of weed, B.O. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Iceland. He had tied up his Staffordshire bull terrier to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same.Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for 'I love you'. My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had fcuked his tea up after failing to defrost his prawn ring I had nicked from Farmfoods. He picked up the power lead from my kids playstation and whipped it across my doughy ass. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again so he carried on. I thought my shellsuit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which was rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections. The kids were all at their respective dads apart from Shakira whose dad was on remand. Luckily her Grandma was home as this time last year she was in Malia on an ***.**** I had to improvise. I put on my fave black slag wellies and wrapped bin bags around my muffin tops. For the mask I pulled my old black period pants over my head. I looked like a gothic Vanessa Feltz attempting a bank job. Dwayne looked well chuffed as he had scored some Viagra off his dealer. I climbed on top but the idiot was asleep. He had bought diazepam by mistake. I tried to get him inside me but it was like trying to push toothpaste back into the tube. Finishing myself off on the kids buzz light-year wasn't my finest hour but needs must.... Maybe we could go somewhere really expensive...like a petrol station?

PERSONAL INFORMATION

  • Looking for

    woman

  • Relationship

    Never married

  • Have kids

    No

  • Wants kids

    Someday

  • Ethnicity

    Caucasian

  • Faith

    Spiritual but not religious

  • Body type

    Average

  • Height

    5'11"

  • Eye color

    Blue

  • Smoke

    Yes, socially

  • Drink

    Yes, socially

INTERESTS

Hardcore
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