Mildredd, 27
Online
About Me
Well, right off the bat you're going to want to know that 1) I have all my teeth, 2) I have no kids, 3) I have no drug or alcohol addictions and 4) I'm not on the rebound. Oh... I scream in my sleep. Not an issue for me but I've been told it's a bit disconcerting for others. Not my problem. Joke. Feel my cardigan, its made of girlfriend material...People ask me "Why are you online dating. You seem so awesome." My answer to them is always the same. " I'm too awesome. Too awesome for real life. I'm so adorable, someone once heard my laugh and 'awed' themselves to death. It's serious. Chat me up at your own risk." Also a joke. Disclaimers...Be a gentleman. I'd really rather not see your "down there" before I've met you and had some chit chat. I'm NOT looking for an intimate encounter but I'm also NOT scrapbooking wedding dresses. When in doubt, ask yourself "what would James Bond do?" He wouldn't be on here, but if he was, he'd be suave and debonair. He wouldn't duckface, bathroom cell phone photo himself or his genitals or show his man tits to the whole Internet community and he wouldn't throw up gang signs and his middle finger either. So... Reevaluate your game. If you message me for sex, dude, that's just sad. I'll give you a piece of something. A piece of mother ****ing attitude.Lets cut to the chase. You want to know how awesome I am. Heres my woman scorecard (out of 10):Cooking: 8 (I make a nice roast chicken.)Baking: 6 (It's harder. That sh*t is like chemistry yo! My angel food cake came out flat once. Still delicious but a pancake. Cookies I've got under control.)Cleaning: 9 (but you better be picking up your own socks god damn it.)Hugs: ***This has been scientifically proven.)Kisses: ***This has also been scientifically proven.)Sports: 5 (Balls always go for my head... stop it. Get your mind out of the gutter.)The Arts: ***My life is wrapped up in this. Literally. I'm a professional artist.)Math: 2 (I forget how to long divide)That's like almost ***out of ***or something... Right? Whatever. You add it up.I like stuff... (Yes. I like weiners/sausages.***bites me and only likes my mom but his face is adorable. The teensy weensy stuff...I love the rain, blankets, black and white movies and hot chocolate. I'm a graphic designer/artist/painter/jack of all creative trades. I appreciate good taste. I generally beautify anything I touch, can do alot with very little and really enjoy my job when my clients aren't being idiots. I play piano and own three electric guitars and a drum set. If you saw my playlist your brain might overload. I have a bit of everything.Dudes love Zombies...I like to horseback ride and am getting into archery so with those skills combined I'll be all set for an EM pulse/zombie apocalypse situation. Follow me if you want to live. I'd also take up fencing if I had the time to be anymore epic. What's the catch?At this point you're wondering... can it be true? She's probably a he. I assure you I'm all vagina. But... I sort of watch it like you'd watch monkeys at the zoo and sometimes I imitate their accents on commercial so... Come on. That's awesome. That being said, if you look like them, as in you're orange and think chains and bling is bad ass. We won't mesh. A country girl with city style. Fitness...I like to exercise because I know it's good for me. I'm a size 12 currently. I work out Mon-Fri and I enjoy it but I'm curvy. If you want a bean pole or a crossfit gal... Sorry. I will never be that cause I don't want to be that and I just gotta say... How is that comfortable? I feel fit and I'm happy. If you want to compare me to a centerfold. Not cool. I'm a designer. I know how much gets photoshopped. I'm an original and my flaws are for you to love so step off when I want that Tim bit. Ill work it off tomorrow and what's a little extra jiggle to you tonight. I'm good crazy...The weirdest thing about me is that I do accents on an almost professional level. Yes. It makes role playing hilarious. French, British, German, New Yorker, etc. My friends make requests from time to time. I'm like their personal circus monkey and I've fooled a few people into confusion over whether my Canadian accent was legit or my Scottish one was for real. Who am I really though...I'm the stereotypical kind of girl who loves shopping for stilettos, cuddling the miniature versions of animals, riding ponies, talking about unicorns and rehabilitating butterflies. However, I also have successfully driven a 69 Chevelle in a straight line faster than a boy, camped the craziest weekend at Mosport with my girlfriends, have a desire to sign up for Krav Maga and love action movies so... Yeah. I know what you're thinking... I'm such a girl. The way I see it, I can do anything you can do, unless it involves the one thing that makes us different. However, I still like being cared for so don't worry. I'll make you feel like a man. Just don't ever LET me win, cause then I'll kick your ass, and by then I might know some crazy Krav Maga. Outlook...Well, I'm seriously not actually taking this too seriously and I apologize cause it would be nice to find a man to make sandwiches for and do laundry for. We could get married, have 2.5 children, put up a white picket fence and eventually grow to hate the sight of one another. That's the dream. Sigh. That's the dream... No. I'm looking for the ultimate best friend and a comitted modern love. I'm not a homemaker. *Cracks whip.*Messaging...I like to talk for a while to make sure you aren't an axe murderer. People tell me I have a good head on my shoulders and I'd like to keep it there... attached to my shoulders. :)Feel free to message me. If you don't get a message back there may just be something on your profile that I can't reconcile. I love animals and try not to eat them too too regularily. A butcher, who really enjoyed his job, messaged me once. Obviously that was an issue but I'm sure he was nice. I was 13 and he had just gotten his wisdom teeth removed and looked like a chipmunk. His sister meetville along. It was... awkward.Ohhhhh! You mean our first date! Aha. Gotchya...Photoshop our faces to find out what our children will look like... No. Actually I'd just be happy if you didn't turn me into your next skin suit.
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